Have you ever heard the rain? Are you tired of your typical mundane existence as it butt friggs you each morning? Want to know a little more about how to sell products? Well, now it doesn't matter. Ding ding dong, clickity-clack, don't-smoke-crack—Bing! Boy, do I have an awesome product for you and your family of dumb-morons, my beloved readers. Buy it now. Seriously, buy it now! Before you even know what it is... 'cause hundreds of people will pass out from spontaneous mind drunkedness just by reading the super fresh product name of this super-sexed-up life product. It's so fucking cool that a lot of bloggers have it on their top ten lists of "Stuff I Want Harder Than An HJ" because, listen up, we are already on track to break the all-time sells record for anything ANYWHERE!
Thought pants were a pretty cool idea? Blow 'em!! Knives are pretty cool, right? Blow 'em!! What about rice? That seems like a good selling product? Blow them all!! What I have for you is selling better than mother fuckin' hot cakes... in fact, we are now required by law to replace the word "hotcakes" with this brand spankin' new product that will revolutionize our lives! And due to a small typo on our legal documents, all actual hotcakes too will be replaced by this even hotter and cake-ier product... FIRE!!! That's right, I said FIRE!!! Get yours NOW!!!
Fire, fire, fire! Fire-fire, fire, fire-fire-fire. FIRE!
It sounds great, but how much do I actually have to pay? Hey, keep your out-dated underwear from twisting your genitals, my friend... I will tell you. Hold on to your jimmy b-ball caps, 'cause if you order your fire within the next 15 minutes we will drop the first payment! And that's not all, we will also offer you free shipping and handling! And it doesn't end there, for every fire we sell we will ship an additional 258 fires at no cost to you!!! You only pay three easy payments! What are these payments you ask? Well, I will tell you... that is, if you remove those provocative air humps from the back of my metaphorical brain smuggler... locate your most current checking account activity statement. Divide the remaining balance by three, and there you have it! Assuming you have more than $3,500 in your account, you are pre-approved! Order yours now!!! Only 30 million units in stock!! Most major credit cards accepted! Don't let this opportunity slip through your fingers like a greased-up-hog-cock.
Fire, FIRE, F-I-R-E! fire-fire. Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrreee!
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