Step 1: Steal ALL your boss's underwear.
Step 2: Embroider "Bat Cave" on back of EVERY pair.
Step 3: VERY IMPORTANT: Return ALL underwear to boss.
Step 4: Buy a mini Batman costume.
Step 5: Bake cupcakes
Step 5: Dress up your wiener with Batman costume.
Step 6: Take a picture with your naked testicles on the cupcakes.
Step 7: Give cupcakes to boss.
Step 8: Call police.
Step 9: After boss eats all of the cupcakes, reveal picture of testicles in cupcakes.
Step 10: Get ass kicked. (Wait for police)
Step 11: After police arrive, explain to them how your enemy threatened to fire you if you didn't "dip Batman in frosting and put in Bat Cave". Explain how much you needed this job. Explain how you just couldn't go through with it and your boss beat the shit out of you.
Step 12: Drop pants and show proof.
Step 13: When boss denies story, convince police to have boss drop pants.
Step 14: Collect money.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I didn't know that!
Here are a few fun facts that I didn't know... but now I do know... and so will you:
Each year 2 million Americans become robots, but nearly 66% of these new robots can not eat metal, shoot lasers out of their eyes, or even reassemble themselves after a nuclear disaster.
Plants such as Guerrilla Corn, Tree-taters, Ruby Plum-tards, and Huckle-Bob-berry t'maiters, are genetically programmed to poison you if you insult NASCAR, inbreeding, or alcohol abuse problems.
Dogs are twice as likely to eat your brains when they are zombies as opposed to when they are just regular dogs who just so happen to enjoy eating brains.
Jesse Crust, the Sailor, is not myth. He is a metaphor.
In the year 2057 people will have more time to exercise but less time to free base... creating a huge conflict of interest.
Crazy coked-up zombie dogs are 3 times more likely to eat your brains than sleepy 3-legged zombie dogs.
Analogies are like trees... except they don't have branches, roots, or trunks made of wood... or leaves
A frying pan is the perfect tool for someone looking to collect several herbs and spices, smash a bird on the head, and fry up the bird's unborn children. But it is not the perfect tool for a blind person to powder your nuts with.
Zombie dogs who are experts in Persuasive Public Speaking Techniques and who have completed certification classes in Presentation Visuals are 4 times more likely to eat your brains then zombie dogs who specialize in Underwater Welding.
Lizards who have fur, big bushy ears, and rat tails are apparently called moles.
Bonus Fact: The Flavored Pickle rage of the 1980s was actually created on purpose... however the best-selling Flavored Pickle, Sweet Blueberry n' Tobasco Dill Explosion, actually tasted more like a piece of pickled horse shit.
Each year 2 million Americans become robots, but nearly 66% of these new robots can not eat metal, shoot lasers out of their eyes, or even reassemble themselves after a nuclear disaster.
Plants such as Guerrilla Corn, Tree-taters, Ruby Plum-tards, and Huckle-Bob-berry t'maiters, are genetically programmed to poison you if you insult NASCAR, inbreeding, or alcohol abuse problems.
Dogs are twice as likely to eat your brains when they are zombies as opposed to when they are just regular dogs who just so happen to enjoy eating brains.
Jesse Crust, the Sailor, is not myth. He is a metaphor.
In the year 2057 people will have more time to exercise but less time to free base... creating a huge conflict of interest.
Crazy coked-up zombie dogs are 3 times more likely to eat your brains than sleepy 3-legged zombie dogs.
Analogies are like trees... except they don't have branches, roots, or trunks made of wood... or leaves
A frying pan is the perfect tool for someone looking to collect several herbs and spices, smash a bird on the head, and fry up the bird's unborn children. But it is not the perfect tool for a blind person to powder your nuts with.
Zombie dogs who are experts in Persuasive Public Speaking Techniques and who have completed certification classes in Presentation Visuals are 4 times more likely to eat your brains then zombie dogs who specialize in Underwater Welding.
Lizards who have fur, big bushy ears, and rat tails are apparently called moles.
Bonus Fact: The Flavored Pickle rage of the 1980s was actually created on purpose... however the best-selling Flavored Pickle, Sweet Blueberry n' Tobasco Dill Explosion, actually tasted more like a piece of pickled horse shit.
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