Water Melancholy

I guess it is time for me to start feeling sorry for myself again... so here goes nothing. Well, looks like being voted most popular isn't going to cheer me up. Nor is the fact that I am so incredibly good looking that random people around the city constantly ask me if I am a full-time model... or at least an action hero... or some kind of sexual chef. I don't even think that the 50,000 friends I have on myspace, who are always leaving me comments about how much they miss me and love me (and other things too), will help me feel less cheerless. My gorgeous hairdo can't save me now... neither will my outgoing personality... or my golden silverish bronzie skin tone... which is all natural I might add. Speaking of all natural, my naturally good smelling body smell doesn't seem to be helping out much either. I don't even think that my naturally tight muscular body and naturally throbbing huge junk can make me feel any better. Even though I am currently thinking about all the people that wanted to do me in high school... and all the teachers too... and rodeo goers... I still can't seem to muster up a smile or a happy thought or a boner. I think I will start crying. I don't even want to think about how nimble my fingers are... sure they could give pleasure to lightning bolt babes and spider monkeys and blurry kung fu moves, but they can't tickle my weeping blue soul or sobbing self esteem. Even though my jumping ability is so enormous that I could easily propel myself along with several of my sporting trophies and pageant medallions into the heavens, it can't propel the sadness out of my butt hole. Don't try and tell me how much fun I am and how much beer I can drink and how much high-fivin' I can do... I just want to wallow in my self-deprecating horribly gloomy grief. Why must such an incredible smile go to waste? Why does such a perfect jaw line end up being ignored by the grin that decorates it so well? Why do the eyes of the beholder miss out on the sharp attractiveness of the smirk which sailed a thousand sailors to war? Why do so many people call me up and try to hang out with me? Why do all these people invite me to lunch all the time? Why do people feel the urge to text me just to let me know how special I am to their hearts? I dunno... but I do know one thing... this sorrowful little dude can't stand the unjoy any longer. Thank you for all of the warm tinglies I know you all are sending my way. There are probably a lot since I have so many friends. So... happy new year.